Let me preface this rant by saying that I thoroughly enjoyed the first Transformers film despite having no appreciation for Michael Bay as a director. I thought it was a fun, action-packed popcorn flick that was perfectly appropriate for a source material as widely respected but as narrowly studied as Transformers.
So I went into Revenge of the Fallen with a positive outlook on the franchise and a little bit of nerdy anticipation. And it would appear that the filmmakers did everything in their power to stifle that anticipation almost from the first frame.
The film had all the same high-flying, military-fu sequences I appreciated from the first film, but they were bogged down in a cesspool of immature jokes and pointless profanity.
I often found myself wondering what the target audience for this film was. The first Transformers film was original enough to give non-Transformer fans a fresh experience that didn't require any back story while still giving the fanboys enough pop-culture service to satiate them, for the most part. Of course, fanboys will always have something to bitch about, but it seemed to be mostly limited to Optimus Prime's flames.
Of course, the first film wasn't nitpick proof, but it is water-tight compared to the newest installment. Characters magically transport locations shot to shot regularly, the actual technology behind the transformers themselves is brought into question numerous times that brought me to one conclusion: whatever it is the tech is supposed to do will work if Michael Bay says it can, regardless of actual logic.
When the fuck did decepticons get the ability to turn into people? Didn't they turn into cars and planes because they could only transform into simple looking metal objects?
And one more thing, wasn't Megatron fucking huge? What happened?!?
Okay, so the canon-humping logic holes alienate the fanboys and needless, over the top profanity alienates children of responsible parents, so who's left? I'm left with the impression that this film was designed to be watched by an older movie-going populace with too much money to burn and not enough self-respect to appreciate quality cinema.
It was obvious that Michael Bay and his cronies decided to put all their money into the action sequences in hopes of scoring a quick cash-in. The writers should feel ashamed of themselves unless their production staff somehow hamstrung their abilities to tell a good story. Bay took what could have been a good narrative and used it as a vehicle for poorly-paced explosion orgies and slow-mo shots of long hair blowing in the wind.
There was actually one point when I expected one of the characters to break the fourth wall and say, "If you believe in Optimus Prime, just clap your hands."
And sadly, the movie probably would have been better if they had. At least then it would have acknowledged how corn-ball the whole affair was.